I remember having a discussion with a friend and having a light go on in my head. The both of us were attractive, in decent shape, dressed nice, smelled nice and had mostly everything going for us. We used to go out trying to meet men, dancing and dining, shopping and smiling hoping to meet someone interesting.
It wasn’t happening and I had an epiphany why. I still had “someone on my porch”. I couldn’t see out, and any potential relationship couldn’t see in….
At the time I was fairly fresh out of a relationship with someone who seemed like the very personification of what I had always hoped for in a man. He was handsome, articulate, hard working, affectionate, funny, smart as hell and could dance. We laughed about the same things, thought the same things were sexy, we just fit on so many levels. As life happens sometimes, we couldn’t make it work the way I needed it to so we broke up. The feelings I have for him now are a shadow of the intensity I had over the break up. However at that time, he was definitely and painfully still “on my porch”.
Everything I saw was skewed by the thought of him. Not that he was the end all be all of men, but it was pretty darn hard not to think of him when he was so FUN!
I explained the concept to my friend and she had someone “on her porch” too! A lovely cultured man who spoke English and French interchangeably, whisked her away on vacations, bought her Chopard, and put rose petals on the bed. I KNOW! Horribly cliché to some, but total McSteamy for my friend! As life happens sometimes, she couldn’t make it work the way she needed it so they broke up.
Sometimes recognizing the dilemma is the source of solving it. Seeing that there was still someone “on my porch” was the beginning of the solution. I could quiet my subconscious cravings for times past and set up a future that included someone who had those same qualities and more. I meditated for a while about the future and am now definitely porch lurker free.
My friend? She is in a committed relationship with someone she never imagined herself with and is just what she needs. Fabulous!